162 Candles
by Arikae
Summary: Episode Tag for S01E08. After Damon kills Lexi, Stefan has lost hope in ever getting his brother back. Damon realises he's made the worst mistake in his un-dead life and tries to fix it but is it too late?


**Author's note: This is an episode tag 162 Candles. So after writing the story for "Let the right brother in", it got me thinking about other earlier episodes because episodes in Season 1 to 3 really were the best ones. Then I remembered the episode where Damon kills Stefan's best friend for over a century. It was shocking and the impact of her death on Stefan should have been profound! It should've been massive so here it is. It's short and I wrote it in about 2 hours so don't expect too much. Also, I didn't rewatch the episode so if I got details wrong then I'm really sorry.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.**

 **Warning: un-betaed.**

Stefan Salvatore sat in their library drinking a bottle of whiskey. It was his third bottle. There were a lot of things he hated about being a vampire; the heightened emotions, the blood lust but right now what he hated the most was it was hard to get drunk. He wanted to stop feeling for the night. He wanted to stop the pain of Lexi's death from taking him over. He needed to numb it before his brother returned home because he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from launching at him if he wasn't inebriated.

* * *

Damon paced at the door of his and Stefan's home. He'd done a lot of bad things to Stefan in their lifetime. He made it hard for him to make a life for himself in one place. Every time Stefan settled into a small town, Damon would start causing havoc until Stefan had to leave. Stefan didn't deserve to be happy because Damon was miserable and if Damon had to live in misery so did his brother. It was what he promised Stefan 148 years ago. But in all those years, he never took away someone Stefan loved. He didn't think he could hurt his brother that way but that's what he did today. He killed Lexi because the council knew there was a vampire in town and he had to take the suspicion off him and Stefan. He had to protect them…protect Stefan. He had to prove to the council that he was one of them and Lexi was the only vampire in town that he could kill because he couldn't kill his own brother. He took a breath and opened the door, sticking his head in to see if his brother was there before stepping through and closing the door.

* * *

Stefan heard Damon come home but he didn't get up. He wasn't drunk enough yet. He needed to get very drunk. Grabbing his fourth bottle, he downed it like it was water or blood.

Damon was walking pass the library to get to the basement when he saw his brother sitting by the fireplace with empty bottles lying around the armchair and one in his hand. He was tempted to keep walking but he had to face the music at some point. "You get those from my secret stash?" He flinched when the bottle in Stefan's hand burst. "Careful, you're a vampire, remember?" Damon took a step towards him.

"Don't come over." Stefan warned. He gripped the glass in his hand, letting the blood drip, keeping it there so his abilities couldn't heal it. He wanted to feel the pain, to concentrate on it so that he couldn't think about the pain in his chest.

"Why? You going to kill me?" It was supposed to come out smugly, but Damon was unsure.

"I'm trying my hardest not to." Stefan answered, keeping any emotion out of his voice. "I'm trying to get myself drunk so that I can't kill you even if I tried."

Damon tentatively took another step. "Is it working?"

"I'm not sure. Don't really dare to move." Stefan shook with anger. It wasn't working. He wanted to kill his brother. "You should go."

"You're not going to kill me, Stefan." Damon told him, trying to sound confident. "You can't. I'm stronger than you."

Stefan smirked, mirthlessly. "You know what gets me? You haven't even tried to explain yourself." His face screwed up in pain, squeezing the broken glass even harder. "You hate me so much that you don't even think you need to explain why you killed my best friend!"

"I…"

"Don't!" Stefan stopped him from talking, "There's no reason that would be good enough anyway. No reason that would satisfy my urge to kill you."

"Stef…you can't…"

Stefan launched himself at his brother, in place of the piece of glass was a stake, Damon didn't even know he had. It was pointed at his heart. Damon tried to struggle free but Stefan had him by the throat. "Do you feel that Damon? I can be stronger than you. You push me hard enough and I can take you down as easily as I would a human because the human emotions, you think are stupid, can be as good as blood for me." Stefan looked down at the stake. All he had to do was put pressure on the stake and all the misery Damon promised him could be gone. It could all go away. He could live his life the way he wanted without fear of his brother taking it away from him. There was only one problem with that. Damon wouldn't be in his life anymore and as much as he hated to admit it, he needed Damon more than anyone in his life. He looked up at Damon. Tears welled in his eyes. This was hopeless.

Damon looked into his brother's eyes and saw the anger go away. It should've been a relief but it wasn't because the anger was replaced with hopelessness. Stefan was giving up. He wasn't going to fight him anymore. He was giving up on…everything. Stefan dropped the stake and released him. He frowned as he rubbed his throat when Stefan stepped back from him.

"I'm sorry I made your life miserable. I really am." Stefan told him. He looked down at his ring and Damon felt dread wash over him.

"Stefan?" Damon asked, not wanting to know what his brother had planned.

"I can't turn off my humanity switch, Damon but it hurts so much." Stefan let the tears fall. "I can't kill you because you're my brother." He shrugged, "It doesn't leave me with many choices."

"You're wrong. There are choices, Stefan."

"NO! There isn't!" Damon jumped at Stefan's voice. It wasn't just the volume, it was the pain he heard there. "You didn't leave me with any!"

Damon couldn't stand the pain he saw in the brother's eyes. He never thought Lexi's death would cause this. He didn't think her death would drive Stefan to this point. "I'm sorry." Damon whispered. It sounded pathetic even to his own ears. He just killed Stefan's best friend and all he could offer was a pathetic apology.

Stefan stumbled back. The whiskey was working its way through his system now. He could feel it. "Is that supposed to fix everything?" Damon shook his head. "Do those two words magically bring Lexi back from the dead?"

"There's nothing else I can say, Stef." Damon wished he could go back in time and take back what he did but it was done. All he could do was help Stefan through it. He watched in horror as Stefan pulled off his ring. Damon's heart started pounding. Stefan turned and launched it into the fireplace. "NO!" In a burst of speed, Damon reached into the fireplace and pulled the ring out, before it could melt. He winced at the burning pain but it went way quickly. He smiled in relief, opening his palm to reveal the ring. He turned back to his brother, his smile faded when he saw that Stefan wasn't there anymore. "Stefan." He rushed through the mansion. "STEFAN!" He yelled when he reached the back courtyard. "STEFAN!" Then he stopped and listened. Stefan was drunk. There was no way he got far, even with his speed. He closed his eyes and concentrated. Every sound was blocked out until he finally heard the drunken footsteps of his brother. "Got you." He thanked the heavens that it was still dark as he rushed through the trees to where his brother was. Stefan had gotten pretty far. Damon would've been impressed if he wasn't so worried. He kept his hearing tuned into Stefan's movements. Stefan had stopped. Damon put on another burst of speed, worried he had lost his brother when he suddenly appeared. Damon tried to skid to a stop but he still slammed into Stefan, hard. "What the hell?!" Damon cursed as he picked himself up.

It felt like a car slamming into him. Stefan felt his bones slowly knitting back together. The whiskey dulled his healing abilities. He rolled over onto his back, groaning at the broken bones.

Damon walked over to him and tried to slip his ring back on but Stefan pulled away, pushing himself up, trying to get away from his brother. "Come on, Stefan. Don't be stubborn. Put the ring back on and we can talk."

"Go to hell." Stefan grunted as he got to his feet. "I'm done with all this."

"So you're just going to go out in flames?" Damon asked, incredulously. "You're not the suicidal type, Stefan. So just put the damn ring back on."

Stefan looked around at where they were. There was a reason why he stopped here…why he chose this place to end his existence. He hasn't been here since he was human. It was close to their home with their vampire speed but he could never bring himself to come here because he hated reminding himself of what he had lost the day they transitioned. He used to love it here. It was his and Damon's special place. He looked up at the tall tree. It wasn't there anymore. There used to be a tree house up there but there was no way it could have survived over a century and a half of wind and rain.

Damon was getting tired of Stefan's silence. He didn't know why Stefan was looking up at the trees. "What the hell are you looking at?"

Stefan pulled his eyes away from the spot where the tree house was supposed to be. He remembered it so clearly. He remembered every detail. It didn't matter how much this part of the woods had changed. He still remembered it. He could still see it. Stefan smirked at his brother. "Of course you wouldn't remember. Why would you? None of this means anything to you anymore. You've erased everything about our human lives." He let his tears come again because he finally accepted that his brother was gone. He lost him 148 years ago. He'd been kidding himself every time he thought he saw a glimpse of his human brother or a look of concern. It was an illusion to keep him from losing hope. To keep him believing that the brother he grew up with was still there, but he wasn't. Damon was gone. His big brother was gone.

Damon frowned and looked around him. He didn't recognise it. He couldn't see what Stefan saw. "Where are we, Stefan?"

Stefan shook his head. "If you don't remember then there's no point in telling you about it. Just go, Damon and leave me alone. I just want to stay here and remember everything that used to be before I die."

"You're not going to die!" Damon rushed at his brother, slamming him into a tree, dazing him. He took the opportunity of Stefan's disorientation to slip the ring back on. "There! Now let's go." He turned to head back to the mansion, pulling Stefan with him.

Stefan shook his head, shaking out the cobwebs. When his head cleared, he pulled out of Damon's grip. His anger reignited. "Get the hell away from me!"

"I'm not going to let you die!"

"Why not?!" Stefan screamed insanely. "Why?! There's nothing you can do to me that'll hurt more than this, Damon! She was my best friend! Why are you keeping me around?" Then it occurred to him. There was more Damon could do. "You want to kill, Elena? Is that it?" His was in so much pain, he couldn't think. He wasn't being logical. Even the impossible could happen now. Damon could do the impossible.

"What?" Damon eyes widened in disbelief. "I would never…"

"Why not? It's what you do. Take away anything that makes me happy, right?" Stefan stumbled away from his brother. "You hate me that much."

Damon shook his head, "No…NO! Stefan…I don't hate you. Please stop saying that."

"But it's true." Stefan started shaking. He didn't know what to do anymore. If he stayed in Mystic Falls then everyone he cared about could be taken away but if he left then he wouldn't be there to protect them. He dropped to the ground on his knees. It really was hopeless. What choice did he have?

"Stefan…" Damon could see that his brother was losing his grip on his humanity. There was a good reason why Stefan never flipped his humanity switch but Stefan wasn't seeing straight right now. All that whiskey and all the pain were driving him insane. Damon needed to do something but what?

Damon looked around, desperately. This place was the key. Stefan came here for a reason. He needed to prove to Stefan that he didn't hate him. _Come on…come on…remember…where are we?_ He looked up at the tree Stefan was staring at earlier. What was it about the tree, aside from the fact it was massive and tall? He walked up to it and put his hand on the trunk, slowly walking around it. That was when he saw it. There was something etched deep into the trunk about two feet above his head. They were names. Their names. _Damon and Stefan. Brothers forever._ Suddenly, it came back to him. He should've worked it out. The distance he ran and the direction he ran. He looked back over to his brother who was on his knees, shivering on the forest floor. His arms were wrapped around his middle, as if in physical pain. It was time to prove to Stefan he was still the brother he loved. He did remember.

Damon knelt down in front of Stefan. "I brought you here after one of father's angry nights. It was a particularly bad one for the both of us. You were too scared to leave my room." Stefan slowly lifted his head. "I built the tree house for you here. It was far enough from the house but close enough for you walk to. You loved it. I told you it was yours but you shook your head and said…"

"It's ours." Stefan finished in a shaking whisper.

Damon smiled and nodded. "It's ours. We etched our names into the tree. It was our secret. Nobody knew about it but us." Stefan stopped shaking but he didn't dare to believe that his brother was really back. "After mother's funeral, you ran away. You were angry with me for not being there. Everyone looked for you everywhere but I knew where you were. I found you up there crying. I didn't know what to do so I cried with you."

Tears ran down Stefan's cheeks. "You do remember."

"I do." Damon nodded. He reached out and put a hand on Stefan's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Stefan wanted to believe that the brother who loved and protected him was back but he was so scared that this was just one of those moments he chose to see… this was just an illusion because he needed something to stop all this pain before he switched off his humanity. "I don't know who to believe. Are you really the brother I remember or are you just pretending?"

"I can never forget who we were, Stefan because those are my happiest memories." Damon squeezed his brother's shoulder, "I'm sorry. If I hadn't buried them so deep, I wouldn't have killed Lexi. If I was the brother I used to be, I would never have done that to you." For the first time in a long, long time, Damon let a tear drop for the pain he'd caused. Stefan looked at him in awe. He couldn't remember the last time he saw his brother cry. Damon was always so strong. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Stefan nodded.

Damon let out a huge breath of relief. "Come here." He pulled Stefan into his arms. "God, I'm so sorry." He was so close to losing Stefan today. For decades, he'd pushed his brother but he never thought he could push him to the point of contemplating suicide. He always knew he didn't hate his brother but he never let Stefan know that. He wanted Stefan to think that because it added to the misery he was causing. If Stefan died thinking Damon didn't give a damn about it, he would never forgive himself. Damon pulled back and held his brother's head in his hands, "No more fighting, no more misery. You're my little brother and I will always love you." Damon paused, feeling a little uncomfortable at the sappy moment. "Just remember that because I don't think I'm ever going to admit it out loud again."

Stefan chuckled and nodded. "Okay."

Damon grinned and got to his feet. He held out his hand to Stefan. "Let's go home."

Stefan let Damon pull him to his feet. "I want to stay a little longer. I haven't been out here since we were humans." He laid a hand against the tree.

Damon pulled out his pocketknife. "Here, proof that I'm back." He started etching something into the tree. Stefan frowned, curious at what his brother was writing. When Damon was finally done, he stepped back to show Stefan. Stefan laughed at the words. It read:

 _Damon and Stefan_

 _Blood Brothers_

 _Since 1864._

"You're so corny."

"Shut up."

 **The End**


End file.
